Believe It… No Spitting At Real Bouncers!
Tales from the Buzzards Breath Saloon
The Buzzards Breath Saloon, much like its counterpart the Moose Breath Saloon, was no stranger to Maine Road Rash. Situated in the heart of Madison, Maine, this uniquely named bar became a regular venue for PartyDancersUSA shows in 1998/1999. Although we entertained weekly crowds, the local regulations mandated a toned-down performance—full nudity was off the table, so our dancers went topless instead.
For about a year and a half, these events drew lively crowds, though attendance could be hit or miss. Everyone involved seemed to enjoy the arrangement, with the possible exception of the Town of Madison. Unfortunately, as is often the case in nightlife, all it took was one wrong move to upset the delicate balance. After someone “pushed the wrong buttons,” the show’s tenure at the Buzzards Breath was cut short. Building a loyal customer base in such a setting takes years of consistent effort, and this was no exception. Let me tell you more about how things unfolded…
Trouble During a Busy Night
The evening was progressing smoothly with a packed house of 60 patrons, including the usual mix of rednecks and hillbilly Bobs. Surprisingly, everything was under control—until we hit the third hour of our four-hour show. That’s when trouble brewed.
A rather bullish man decided it was his turn to stir things up. He purchased a “lap dance” from our newest dancer, a trainee who was already dealing with her fair share of first-time jitters. However, it soon became clear that this customer wanted more than just a dance—he was after what he crudely termed “side action.”
Understandably, the trainee was overwhelmed. Navigating her first gig, every problem felt monumental. She reported the issue to the bouncer, who after a serious consideration, suggested a simple resolution: refund the man’s money and move on. It seemed like a straightforward fix.
But as the seasoned bouncer approached to handle the situation, it was clear this wasn’t going to be as easy as he thought. “Not so fast, Mister Bouncer!”
No Spitting Is One Of The Very First Things You Learn Right?
Escalating Tensions
Following my instructions, the newbie dancer, clearly distressed by the increasingly obnoxious demands for “side action” from the customer in work boots, tried to defuse the situation by offering a refund. However, the man’s response was even more appalling. He barked in her face, refusing the refund and making derogatory comments about wanting his “Korean side action.” It was clear that his demands were not only inappropriate but racially charged, making the situation even more volatile.
At this point, it was evident that simple solutions wouldn’t suffice. The customer’s behavior was not just rude but deeply offensive, particularly to our Korean dancer. I stepped in to handle what was quickly turning into a serious issue, ready to enforce our zero-tolerance policy for such behavior. Let me tell you how we resolved this…
Confrontation and Resolution
With the crowd’s attention now on us, I motioned to the dancer to step aside, aiming to defuse the situation quietly. I approached the man for the first time, ten minutes into the dispute, and calmly asked, “What’s the problem, my friend?” His response, tainted with hostility and bad breath, was blunt: “I paid for side action, and I’ll have it!”
Clearly, his understanding of “side action”—whatever he imagined that to be—was not something we provided. I attempted to resolve the matter by offering him his money back once more, but he refused. I then suggested a dance with a different, more experienced dancer, but that too was rejected. It became evident that this man was beyond reason, fixated on a demand we could never fulfill.
Recognizing that no reasonable solution would satisfy him, I prepared to take firmer measures to protect our staff and maintain the integrity of our event.
Always Remember, No Spitting At Bouncers – If You Like Your Teeth!
Dealing with the Unruly Patron
Exasperated by the situation, I couldn’t help but wonder why there always had to be that one disruptive individual. Years of experience would later teach me that dealing with such personalities is part and parcel of this line of work, and over time, I developed more effective strategies for handling such disruptions. However, on that night, my patience had reached its limit.
After multiple futile attempts to resolve the issue, I finally laid down the law. “Look, enough already,” I firmly told the troublemaker. “You know the show rules—there’s no ‘side action,’ whatever you think that means. Now go back to your friends and cool off.”
Ignoring my directive, he stomped across the dance floor, forcing the dancers to sidestep his path, clearly showing his disdain. His provocative long stare aimed in my direction was the last straw. It was a short-lived showdown before I decisively stepped in, ending the standoff and sealing his fate at our event.
Support Team Shortcomings and Taking Charge
That night, I had both a limo driver and a doorman on hand to help manage the event. However, the situation quickly revealed the limitations of my support team. My doorman, who fancied himself a tough guy, proved ineffective when it mattered most. His inability to handle the situation effectively led to his dismissal after the event; he simply wasn’t cut out for the challenges of the job.
Meanwhile, the limo driver, although not particularly formidable and lacking in courage, had a knack for managing the microphone. Realizing I needed to take direct action, I delegated the control of the show to him. With the microphone in capable hands, I was free to deal directly with “Mr. Side Action Man,” preparing to confront him and resolve the issue once and for all.
Confronting the Troublemaker
Mr. “Side Action” was making a scene on the edge of the dance floor, surrounded by his buddies and causing a commotion. With the music blaring in the background, I had no choice but to lean in uncomfortably close and raise my voice directly into his ear to be heard. I firmly told him that his attitude was no longer welcome and that it was time for him to leave. I suggested he consider returning some other time when he could approach the evening with a better state of mind.
Never, Ever Spit In A Bouncers Face, Especially If Your In Arms Length! So Dumb
A Shocking Escalation
The confrontation took an ugly turn when Mr. “Side Action,” a 45-year-old man known for his loudmouth antics, responded to my request by spitting directly in my face. The shock and disgust of such a degrading act are hard to put into words. My response was instinctual and immediate—before I could even process the event, my hands shot out, grabbing him by the shirt. In one fluid motion, driven by sheer reflex, I lifted him up and hurled him backward onto the hardwood floor. The impact was so severe that the sound of his head striking the floor resonated over the music. It all happened in a fraction of a second, a gut reaction to an unforgivable assault.
A Tense Resolution
With adrenaline surging, I was still in full fight mode as I prepared my unruly opponent for “The Ride”—a forceful escort out of the venue. Seizing his shirt collar, I dragged him the 50 feet to the exit, where I had to yell at the doorman to spring into action and open the door. With a final push, I sent Mr. “Side Action” tumbling toward the sidewalk. I spun around, ready for further confrontation, but fortunately, none followed. His friends initially murmured complaints, but once faced with the possibility of sharing his fate, they quickly reconsidered and backed down.
As the dust settled, I noticed a disturbing sight—a trail of blood marking the path from where the scuffle began to the exit. That was not good. A sharp pang of concern cut through the satisfaction of having handled the situation. It was a stark reminder of the seriousness of the encounter.
An Uneasy Conclusion
The show wound down under a cloud of unease, with many patrons wearing blank expressions. They had witnessed the abrupt ejection of another guest, but the details of what precipitated the violent scene were unclear to them. In the aftermath, the atmosphere was tinged with confusion and curiosity. As is often the case in such situations, no explanations were offered to the audience. The incident hung over the event like a shadow, a stark reminder of the unpredictability of nightlife entertainment.
A Reflective Moment at the Bar
After the show, I found myself at the bar, attempting to unwind and collect my thoughts. The relative calm was soon interrupted when the owner approached me, his concern etched across his face. He was understandably worried that the night’s violent incident might tarnish his establishment’s reputation.
Acknowledging his concerns, I agreed that such events were far from ideal. However, to put things into perspective, I posed a question to him, “How would you react if an antagonistic patron spat in your face during an event like this?” He was momentarily silent, unable to provide an answer. I hadn’t really expected him to respond; it’s a difficult scenario to confront, especially when you haven’t experienced it firsthand. The conversation underscored the complex challenges we face in managing these live events—balancing safety, customer satisfaction, and the unpredictable nature of human behavior.
Reflecting on Public Decorum and Conflict
It’s unfortunate that some people lack basic public decorum or the foresight to de-escalate confrontations. Given a clear opportunity to step back and choose a simpler, smarter way out, they stubbornly refuse. While it’s never enjoyable to handle such situations, there are times when a firm response is the only language understood by those determined to disrupt. This reality, though harsh, is sometimes all that resonates with the obstinately unruly.
An Unexpected Reunion
Years after the incident, I unexpectedly ran into the same troublesome fellow at a bachelor party in Norridgewock, Maine. Seeing him again brought back memories of that tumultuous night, and despite everything, I found myself feeling a tad sympathetic towards his past injury. In a gesture of goodwill, I offered to buy him a lap dance, hoping perhaps to mend fences in a light-hearted way. True to his nature, he refused—but this time, his denial came with a polite demeanor, a marked change from our last encounter. It was a small, yet amusingly polite moment that showed maybe, just maybe, people can change a little.
