SO YOUR GETTING MARRIED: OWN A MOOD RING?
I’VE BEEN MARRIED AND DIVORCED 3X, I’VE NO ADVICE FOR YOU” BUT A “MOOD RING MAY SAVE YOU SOME MISERY !
Sending Bachelors on Their Merry Way
Just how many bachelors has PartyDancersUSA sent off to their proverbial “deaths”? Well, not literally to their deaths, of course—think of it more like a jovial nudge toward “a long walk on a short pier.” 🙂 I’ve personally witnessed the plunge into matrimony three times, and while not all tales of union end in fairytale bliss, my experiences haven’t soured me on the institution of marriage itself.
At each bachelor party, my role extends beyond just entertainment; I bring a bit of “tongue in cheek” humor and “dark humor,” sprinkled with anecdotes from my own days as a husband. This mix of fun and candid banter resonates with many of the guys, providing a shared chuckle over the quirks of married life. Do we disrespect marriage? Absolutely not. It’s all in good fun and kept in the best of taste, ensuring everyone leaves with a smile, even if they’re stepping closer to that short pier.
YOUR GETTING MARRIED BUT HAVE YOU TRIED THIS TEST FIRST?
The Bachelor Party: A Rite of Passage
A bachelor party is more than just a night out; it’s a bodacious and risqué celebration, a final hurrah of bachelorhood filled with laughter, camaraderie, and often, plenty of drinking. It’s a rite of passage that marks a major life transition. For some friends, it’s a moment of celebration as the bachelor joins the ranks of the married. For others, it’s bittersweet, symbolizing a kind of loss or change as they perceive their friend as ‘going away.’
Of course, the bachelor isn’t really disappearing—he’s simply turning a new page, prioritizing someone who now means the world to him. Friday nights as they were are ending, and the herd inevitably thins. Each bachelor party we host at PartyDancersUSA captures this mix of joy, nostalgia, and the poignant realization that life is moving forward, as it should.
Hard-Earned Wisdom on Marriage
Let’s put aside the tears and dive into some candid advice. Granted, I may not be the quintessential advisor on marriage, but my experiences have taught me a few critical lessons and preventive measures to avoid marrying the wrong person—lessons I learned the hard way.
Take it from someone whose third marriage disastrously ended after just 13 days—a number as ominous as it sounds. That swift unraveling made it crystal clear that I had made a colossal mistake. The fallout was enough to make me vow never to repeat such a debacle. Fast forward 20 years, enjoying the single life, and yet, pressures to “tie the knot” again started to mount. Despite the external push, my own experiences reminded me that I’m simply not one to gamble on love again. My advice? Know yourself and your luck in love, and sometimes, it’s best to just leave it alone.
SO YOUR GETTING MARRIED THAT’S THE FUN PART, THE MARRAIGE IS THE TEST
The Mood Ring Test
So, after three years of feeling pressured by a certain lady, I devised a plan—a test, really—to confirm what I suspected deep down: she wasn’t the one for me. Frankly, I wasn’t even sure I liked her all that much. It was time for one final assessment before I made any decisions about our future.
With a clear but somewhat unusual strategy in mind, I headed to Day’s Jewelers in search of the perfect gift that would also serve as my ultimate test. I roamed the aisles, grappling with my thoughts, until I found myself asking the jeweler for something I never imagined I’d consider—a mood ring. I felt a bit foolish mentioning it, but to my surprise, they actually carried a line of semi-expensive mood rings. Who would have thought?
The Mystique of the Mood Ring
For those unfamiliar with the concept, a mood ring was a cultural phenomenon back in the 1970s, much like the iPod was in the early 2000s. This intriguing piece of jewelry claimed to reflect the wearer’s emotions through color changes, supposedly indicating things like stress levels or a ‘warm heart.’ While it’s debatable whether a mood ring can genuinely discern someone’s feelings—after all, it’s more about body temperature and circulation than emotional depth—it still holds a certain charm for those who enjoy a touch of mystique.
In my case, I thought it would be the perfect tool to use, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, to gauge the intentions of someone I suspected might be more interested in my wallet than my heart. After all, if you’re dealing with someone who puts stock in Ouija boards and mystical signs, a mood ring might just be the playful yet revealing test you need.
The Mood Ring Presentation
Armed with my unconventional gift, I waited for the perfect moment to present my “princess” with her new “precious ring.” Naturally, she was anticipating something more traditional, perhaps even lavish. Her initial reaction was one of confusion—she looked at me as if I had lost my mind, and she nearly tossed the ring back at me.
Quickly shifting into salesman mode, I extolled the virtues of this “beautiful mood ring,” explaining how it would not only adorn her finger but also symbolically reflect the warmth and beauty of her spirit. Against the odds, she bought into the idea, a mixture of amusement and curiosity lighting up her face as she slipped the ring on. It was a quirky test, but her acceptance of the ring and the playful spirit in which she received it told me more than the ring’s color ever could.
IF YOUR GETTING MARRIED BETTER YOU PAY ATTENTION TO THE RING COLORS!
The Telling Color Change
As she slipped the mood ring onto her finger, I watched intently, curious about what would happen. Almost instantly, the stone turned stark black—not just dark, but a deep, impenetrable black that seemed to reflect a cold absence of warmth. She noticed it too and muttered something about the ring needing to warm up.
However, that warmth never came. Over the next three weeks, the ring stubbornly remained black, no matter the setting or her mood. I couldn’t help but make a few sarcastic remarks about its unchanging color, which she did not find amusing in the slightest.
The final act of this little drama unfolded during a drive on the interstate. I pointed out yet again that the ring was as black as ever. Frustrated, she declared the ring must be defective, yanked it off, and scrutinized it closely. Seizing the moment, I asked her to slip the ring onto my small finger. To her astonishment and my quiet vindication, it immediately turned blue—a sharp contrast to the unyielding black it had shown on her.
Revelation and Release
“Look, it’s blue,” I exclaimed as the ring on my finger mirrored the clearest of skies. I couldn’t hide my satisfaction, harping on about the color change, clearly enjoying the moment of revelation. My partner, whom I had playfully dubbed Queenie, watched skeptically as she snatched the ring back and slipped it onto her finger once more. Her expression turned blank as the stone reverted to its stark black hue. In that moment, the realization dawned on her—the ring had, in its own mystical way, betrayed her true feelings.
With a swift motion, she yanked the ring from her finger, rolled down the car window, and flung it out without a trace of sentiment. It was a definitive gesture, one that spoke volumes about her state of mind.
As the ring disappeared into the distance, I grinned, knowing that my little experiment had indeed worked. This woman, who had been pressing the idea of marriage on me for years, clearly had no deep emotional ties or remorse about losing what the ring represented. It was a stark and telling conclusion to our lengthy saga.
GETTING MARRIED ARE WE ? MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A FAST CAR HANDY JUST IN CASE!
I’M OUTTA HERE!
Think what you want about my crazy plan, that “mood rings” aren’t accurate, how could I base a life changing decision on a piece of jewelry and who would go to such lengths? Listen, tons of people make life changing decisions over more expensive jewelry (diamonds) which end up in pawn shops all around our nation each and every day and besides that expensive diamond doesn’t give you any feedback, only one night of great sex and to me, that’s not worth the years of misery if it doesn’t work out.
SWEAR BY YOUR MOOD RING!
